You know when you get a paper cut and then put hand sanitizer on and it burns really bad, but it is a small burn. It is annoying and won’t go away. The burn does not put you into a life or death situation, but it still really hurts. Right now I am a big paper cut that keeps getting hit with hand sanitizer. Every time the sting of certain things seems to go away…another glob of hand sanitizer is thrown my way.
The way that people have been treating me and acting completely blows my mind. A while ago people were removed from my life for different reasons. I thought it would be for the better. Everyone around me said, “You will be happier this way. You are better than that. It will be okay…” and yadda yadda yadda. I do feel happier and better without certain people no longer a part of my life…but the sting is still there. Social media sucks in the sense that no matter how hard you try to not see someone…some how they will still pop up on your feed somehow. When I see people on my social media that have hurt me…it hurts so bad. More hand sanitizer. When I am not reminded of these people the cut doesn’t burn always like it used to. It has taken a lot of medication and consoling sessions (lol) but I don’t feel like a complete black hole of sadness all the time so that is good. Still the sting is there. Sometimes it hurts a lot and sometimes it isn’t too bad. But it still freaking hurts.
The thing that hurts me the most is betrayal and fakeness. I HATE when someone talks bad to me about someone and then all of the sudden they are best friends or “have crushes” on each other. It freaking hurts. A lot. I just cannot wrap the thoughts that must go through these peoples’ heads. I don’t understand how someone can be so self centered and so mean. Is there any conscience there at all? I would never dream of doing to someone else what has been done to me. I can’t really get into too much detail because the personal things will reveal who the people are.
I try so hard everyday to get better and feel better, but it is really hard when people around me bring me down. Lately I have felt like I have been in a hand sanitizer shower and all I want is out. There is nothing I can do and it sucks.
I’m crying now lol so I need to stop.
Thanks for reading whoever you are.