Lately I have not been very happy. I went back to some of my bad habits such as self harm. I have all the tools to not do it. I know what I am supposed to think and what I am supposed to do instead of cutting, but I did it anyways. My mom and dad were really sad when they saw my wrist and that made me sad. This past weekend I started thinking about why I get so sad or why I am so hard on myself. I am constantly telling myself that I am not good enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough. Every bad thought and I need to stop. Telling myself to be happy and to stop hating on myself is obviously not going to work. I have to put some effort into it.
Last night I felt like I wanted to cut. I wanted to so badly, but instead, I made myself go on a run. I got my dog and I went on a run through my neighborhood. Within 5 minutes of the run I had lost the urge to cut. I was thinking about how proud I was of myself for directing my attention from the cutting to running. When I got back home as I was trying to catch my breath lol I felt very motivated. If I feel motivated to do something it always gets done. I felt like I needed to start focusing on me and fixing me instead of complaining about me. I came up with a plan.
I had a random blank notebook and I wrote out a weeks worth of healthy foods. It tells me what I will eat every single day, including healthy snacks. I also added a space to talk about my workout and my weight that day. I also wrote a ton of motivational quotes on the first page to help me to not give up. Little projects like this excite me and take a lot of my attention. I think this little self project will really help me. Today I am going to go to the grocery store to get the food and I am excited about that. I really like lists and shopping so it’s my ideal situation.
I am going to do my best to not think about boys because it takes up way too much of my brain power. This point in my life is for me. I am going to better myself from the inside out and help give myself that little boost of confidence that I need. Tighter stomach is my goal! Feeling happy is my bigger goal. I just want to be happy and to be confident in myself. I feel motivated.
I challenge y’all to do the same. Maybe you don’t struggle with self worth or body appearance, but maybe there is something else holding you back. Kick that thing in the butt!! Figure out what you can do to squash the bad thing and make yourself better. The only person that can change you is you. I am ready to work on me. Are you ready to work on you?