“Pathetic”

Pathetic

[puhthet-ik]

adjective; causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow, etc.; pitiful; pitiable
When I think of a pathetic person I think of someone who does nothing to help themselves and always feels bad for themselves. I think of someone who intentionally puts down others to make themselves feel better. I think of someone who is so concerned with themselves that they don’t even notice the people that they are stepping on.
I think that I am a pretty strong girl. I’ve been through a lot and I have somehow managed to keep going lol. I do my absolute best to not hurt anyone. I am so careful to not cross boundaries that I know could potentially hurt someone. All this to say… I do not consider myself a pathetic person. I also do not think that my blog is pathetic. I think it is brave. I have poured everything out for everyone to see. I have made myself vulnerable to the entire internet. I blog because I want to help/prevent people that go through similar situations as me. I’m missing the part where what I do is pathetic?
Being brave and making myself vulnerable is hard. It is tough for me to hit the “Publish” button every time I blog. You know what makes me do it? I had a girl comment on one of my blogs thanking me for writing from the perspective of the girl who has tried to commit suicide because it is always talked about from the point of view that tells you to not try it. That meant the world to me. I don’t care if my blog gets only 1 view. If I am helping at least one person then I feel great. That is what pushes me to make myself vulnerable and tell a lot of my feelings to the public. I want to help and I love to help.
Not everyone will like me. I know that I have people that hate me. I can’t change what anyone thinks about me so I have to just continue to be me. I mess up a whole lot and put myself in situations where I can’t blame the person for being mad at me, but I always ask forgiveness and try to fix it. I don’t see that as pathetic. When I accept the fact that I have problems and that I need to put others before myself…I feel proud. I am for the first time in a while proud of who I am. I am proud of my blog. I am proud that I survived. I am proud that I am getting out of the deep black hole that was eating me alive. If that is seen as pathetic to some then so be it.
If people read my blog to make fun of it, thank you. By you clicking on my blog or by coming to my site, you are only helping me. You are raising my numbers and I love that. So thank you to anyone and everyone who reads my blog, whether it is with a good purpose or a bad one.
I am content with myself. I am content in the fact that I am far from perfect. I am doing the best I can with what I have right now and am just trying to make it out of high school. Blogging helps me cope and I will continue no matter who tries to bring me down. I can make it out and I will make it out with a smile :).

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