The title says it all. With the way that my life has panned out so far and all the people that I have come in contact with, I might as well just tattoo that phrase on my forehead. It would save me the pain of trusting anyone ever again.
I have huge trust issues. I seem to take one step forward and always get pushed backwards two. It sucks. Girls are mean and there are FEW that can actually be trusted. Boys want your body and there are LESS boys than can be trusted than the FEW girls that can be. See the odds? In my little bubble I live in I have been screwed over by more than half of the people that I let in. My rant begins.
Let’s start with boys. I already didn’t trust boys after all of the crap that has happened to me in the past (read my previous posts for info on that). I found a super nice, cute, Christian guy. We were friends and I kept hesitating to let him in or trust him or feel comfortable around him or let myself be vulnerable with him. I kept getting this feeling that “he is different. you need a guy like this. you can trust him.” CRAP. We start hanging out and I really really REALLY like this guy. He is showing all the signs of liking me back. He asks to hang a lot and we kiss and he is so nice to me and blah blah blah. Being the stupid teenage girl that I am, I fall for all of it. It doesn’t help either that this guy is what seems to be the perfect guy for me. I tend to go towards the bad boys, but this one was different.
Sunday this boy dropped the bomb that he liked me. He definitely showed it in his actions but the words were also spoken. The words “feelings” and “I care about you”. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Of course I get my hopes up. Who wouldn’t? The next couple of days are great. I am on cloud 9. I have a nice boy that likes me. I also heard that he was going to ask me to Prom and I could not be more excited. Me and my mom talked that night about how amazing all of this was. I felt like everything was finally falling into place. I felt so so happy for the first time in a long time. Sounds too good to be true right? Right.
Wednesday rolls around and wouldn’t you know I receive a novel of a text message telling me that we cannot be anything because his “feelings are too strong” and he needs to “be his own person” and focus on “college”. First of all, he is already accepted into the college he wants to go to so the rest of senior year is pointless anyways. Bad Excuse. Secondly, how could having strong feelings be a bad thing? Bad Excuse. Thirdly, I am not trying to change this boy. He is definitely still going to be his “own person”. BAD EXCUSE.
At first I thought the text was a joke. How could someone change from complete opposite ends of the “liking” spectrum in like 2 days. MAKES NO SENSE.
Naturally I cry the whole way home and eat a ton of food and hate myself all night.
I don’t understand. He crushed me after he knew what I have been through so I am once again, pushed two steps back.
Now on to girls.
Can I just clarify somethings that I find true because no one at my school seems to understand these.
YOU DO NOT I REPEAT YOU DO NOT MESS AROUND/HANG OUT WITH/DATE/TALK TO/GO TO PROM WITH YOUR BEST FRIENDS EX-BOYFRIEND.
Am I crazy for thinking that. I would never even THINK about doing one of these things, let alone GO THROUGH WITH IT.
My so called “best friends” helped my ex boyfriend (who I have talked all about in my other posts) ask my other “best friend” to prom.
ARE YOU SERIOUS.
WHAT THE HECK.
My mind is absolutely blown still that this happened. My “friends” know that I am STILL STRUGGLING WITH THE HURT MY EX CAUSED ME.
Needless to say they are pathetic. They are insecure and only care about themselves. They are fake and they are fake to each other. They think that they are so cool and so popular, but outside of their twisted little circle, everyone sees them for who they really are. Mean, rude, self centered, bishes. That is the cold hard truth. I don’t know another way to describe them.
Obviously I will have no more contact with those pathetic girls and I am once again about 7 steps back.
Life was getting good and kicked me in the butt again.
I need out of high school, but until then I get to spend my days surrounded by a sea of mean people.